9.3.11

Merin,
Today I woke up and it hurt to breath. A wave of deep ache for my little sister flooded me. 4:00am and I rush to our baby for an early morning bottle, moments after Ysa is tucked back in I slip back into bed when Aubrie is up with another bad dream. Rushing down the stairs, trying to get to her before she wakes the other kids I give her the security that comes from a moms embrace. But I lay there unable to sleep. I miss you. And the aches climbs to the back of my throat. I know it will stay there until Ysa wakes up and I can hold her. Oh- Mer. She is so much fun now! Especially in the mornings, she greets me with the biggest smiles and I swear she is saying "hi!" over and over. She is sitting and reaching and melting our hearts. We love her.

We watched your preformance of Coppelia again yesterday. The first time we watched you I was nervous about what my reaction would be to the DVD but it was beautiful. You are so beautiful and always have been. Aubrie, Ysa and I have watched it several time since. Ysa bounces along to the music, something deep within me tells me she really knows the music. Like a baby knows the sound of her mothers voice. It gives me a feeling of reverence. I wanted to tell you how beautifully she fits. I want to reassure you that she is doing well. I wish so deeply that things were different, that you were still here with us. But to my sweet sister I need you to know how grateful I am for everything you gave me as my sister. Our memories are so dear to my heart. I look forward to sharing so many memories of you and Mike with our little Ysa.



Love you.


For the record Ysa, your Mom is pregnant with you in these photos!

10 comments:

BarbaraJo said...

You are so articulate. Beautifully expressed!

Anonymous said...

Eden-I still cannot hear the beautiful music of Coppelia without thinking of Merin. I don't know if I will ever be able to listen to it without seeing her making faces at Mr. Sumen and prancing about with that wine bottle.
Her students still honour her and grieve for her. On Facebook there are loving little tributes that pop up when one least expects to see them. The older girls missed her gentle teaching as they prepared for their exams this year, but remember all she did to encourage them to grow.
Ysa is blessed to be surrounded by such love and faith and will grow up strong in her sense of self and family.
Love always.
Lori from ISB

H and E said...

I guess I needed a good cry today so it was ok that I read this. My heart aches for your aching heart. You are so strong and are such a good mom to all your kiddos. I would love to see that video.

P.S. Love these pics!

jmmcches said...

Dearest Eden. I still think of you so often and my heart aches for you. Sisters are irreplaceable. I am inspired by your strength. Sending many positive prayers your way - Jane.

Cheri said...

Ahhhh, sweetie. Merin knows. She knows all about Ysa. She knows that you love her. Like Drew said it is a perfect answer - couldn't be better - for Ysa to be with you and Daylan. She is thriving and happy. Love you.
Mom oxo

Caitlin said...

Eden, my baby is 2 weeks younger than Ysa. He is also a fan of the 4am feed. Whenever I am feeding Jack in the quiet stillness of the morning, when it seems the entire world is asleep, I think about you and send up a prayer for you, Ysa and your family.

ec said...

what a special thing ... to have baby ysa in your home. she is blessed. you all are.

Niki Carter said...

Wish I could see it . . . My girls will be performing in it this spring. I would have loved to see Merin.

Amy said...

I was actually thinking of you and your family last night as I was driving home from work. I hope your burden is a little bit lighter knowing how many people pray in your behalf and think of you often. How blessed you and Merin are to have one another as sisters and eternal friends. Lots of love your way.

Sara and Dustin said...

Oh Eden. You are such a wonderful mother and sister. Thank you for sharing a part of your heart with us. We still pray for you often.