19.10.10

Sweet memories.

It's late, and I'm tired. I really should just go to bed, but I can't. I look over my shoulder and in my minds eye I see my dear sister working on one of the beautiful quilts she made for Ysa. Sitting in the corner of my office, with her feet propped on the stool and hand stitching for her little unborn baby. I remember how she had laughed and said her fingers hurt from all the hand work but then patted her beautiful little belly and went back to work. The image is so strong. It makes me ache for her. I know I can get through this, I know I am not alone, and so incredibly supported. I am eternally grateful for these things but sometimes when I am struck with the reality of this situation I want to crumble. Even as I write this I realize just how selfish this thought is. I know I am not the only one hurting. I also know there is a plan for us and I have faith in that plan but it is not easy right now. In fact it is really painful. So what is there to do? I guess I just acknowledge the hurt, try to find my breath and on focus on the good. Merin used to always say she wanted to do what she thought her Heavenly Father wanted her to do. So I will pray. And try to be as good and sweet as my little sister. What a blessing she was to me. I am so lucky to have had such a sister as Merin. I am grateful for my sweet memories, even though they hurt now I know one day they will bring only comfort. I look forward to that day.

15 comments:

Niki Carter said...

It's an impossible situation. I can't imagine the hurt.

nita.armstrong@gmail.com said...

big hug to you. i don't know how you do it all.

Katie said...

I love reading your memories of your sister and I love the wonderful relationship you had with her. I hope one day, my sisters and I will be just as close.

ec said...

i can only imagine how heavy this feels ... my thoughts and prayers continue to be with you.

Cheri Litchfield said...

Merin was happy and loving and not having that constant influence is hard. I miss what she brought to my life and I know you feel the same. I am grateful that we have one another and that we have wonderful memories of Merin. Love you so much, sweetie.

I do so love these two pictures of Merin - isn't she adorable?!

janetina said...

Your thoughts are like prayers for the soul! We continue to pray for all of you.

Anonymous said...

I usually read your blog with tears in my eyes. We have both lost a sister this year, you and I. I will never insult your intelligence and tell you I know what you are going through because I don't. We are two different people with two different sets of memories, two different pools of pain. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your memories of dear Merin. It makes the memories I have of my sister all the more poignant, all the more precious.

Take care of yourself Eden.

Thelma

Sara and Dustin said...

I still pray for you every day. Love your thoughts. Love those pictures. Love you.

esther.beazer said...

you are amazing eden! i hope you believe that, and believe in yourself!

Sonja said...

Eden, my heart aches for you. I think about you everyday and hope that you are okay. The pictures are absolutely gorgeous. Thank you for sharing.

Love, Sonja, xo

Anonymous said...

You don't know me but I read your blog regularly. I am so so sorry for your loss and can't begin to imagine your pain and what you are goign through. I have two sisters that are my best friends and that I can't imagine a life without. I only can relate to losing someone -which I lost my dear dad a few years ago who was my rock and one of my closest friends. The ache is always there but sometimes you welcome the ache as it's a reminder of what a wonderful person they were and how much you loved them. I too have faith that we are part of god's plan and think and pray for you and your beautiful family every day.

Kim

Jamie said...

You're not selfish AT ALL. You amaze me with your UNselfishness. Lots of love.

pieface said...

You are amazing. Pure and simple.

Kiesza said...

I used to dance with Merin and I didn't know she passed away until just yesterday. Merin was such a pure soul with the biggest heart, and I'm so sad for her loss. Thank you for sharing your memories of her. I've never known someone so kind and graceful and I am praying you and your family. It's really nice to see that Ysa is doing so well. I can already see Merin shining through those big beautiful eyes.

Anonymous said...

Eden, we share your memories at ISB. Merin's spirit abides there with us. When we move a book or open a file, we find notes, written in her always positive, energetic style. FInding these little treasures reminds us that she is and always will be in our hearts and helps eases the loss. You and your family are truly blessed with your strong faith and love for each other.

Lori