It's late, and I'm tired. I really should just go to bed, but I can't. I look over my shoulder and in my minds eye I see my dear sister working on one of the beautiful quilts she made for Ysa. Sitting in the corner of my office, with her feet propped on the stool and hand stitching for her little unborn baby. I remember how she had laughed and said her fingers hurt from all the hand work but then patted her beautiful little belly and went back to work. The image is so strong. It makes me ache for her. I know I can get through this, I know I am not alone, and so incredibly supported. I am eternally grateful for these things but sometimes when I am struck with the reality of this situation I want to crumble. Even as I write this I realize just how selfish this thought is. I know I am not the only one hurting. I also know there is a plan for us and I have faith in that plan but it is not easy right now. In fact it is really painful. So what is there to do? I guess I just acknowledge the hurt, try to find my breath and on focus on the good. Merin used to always say she wanted to do what she thought her Heavenly Father wanted her to do. So I will pray. And try to be as good and sweet as my little sister. What a blessing she was to me. I am so lucky to have had such a sister as Merin. I am grateful for my sweet memories, even though they hurt now I know one day they will bring only comfort. I look forward to that day.